Funny Quotes
To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.
Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).
More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.
Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.
Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.
One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.
Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.
We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.
Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.
When life gives you lemons ask it for sugar and water too. Otherwise your final product would be some acidic lemon juice!
If typos are God's way of keeping a writer humble, plot holes certainly keeps one on their knees.
Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.
There was an edge to his expression, like he didn't trust anyone who was more attractive than he was.
You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him.
Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.
Our parents would not be ‘The best parents in the world’ (to us) if they were not our parents.
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.
The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.
A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.
Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says "Oh, no! She's up.
Walking through life, we spend most of our energy choosing the right shoes.
Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.
Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.
Most of the other visitors were chained to their audio guides, looking only at what their little headsets told them was worth seeing.
I'm a Baroque person. More than Baroque, I'm a Rococo person. I don't draw straight lines.
France, stop throwing awards at me! I have so many already, give them to people who need them.
Quiet, � she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. “Otherwise, I’ll shut you up myself.
Of course they were eaten, � he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. “Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.
Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.
