Funny Quotes

It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.

She started naming the fish. 'Loppy, Troppy, Hoppy, Soppy, Boppy, Floppy, Moppy and Roppy.

You haven't been fired, " Mary said with a sigh. "You always jump to the worst possible conclusion. Why on earth would you be getting f

I may not hate all of the people all of the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.

I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana’s country were about as big as a tree could get, ” he said, “but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon’s tummy when she goes by.

I'm not stupid... I'm just too lazy to show you the extend of my knowledge!

I m not funny, really m not !!! I just tell people the truth, and then they start laughing and say haha you are funny...but seriously m not!!!

The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.

Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.

Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.

He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.

Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.

Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.

The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.

Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.

Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.

An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.

You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.

After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.

Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.

If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).