Funny But True Quotes
Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.
Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.
There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.
Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.
Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.
The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.
I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.
To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!
After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.
Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.
When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do.
It's always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics' ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they'll still have a water gun stashed somewhere.
Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway.
i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol
Don't, but if at all, then, lie to the whole damn world - never to your own damn, silly stupid self.
First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.
Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off.Because if not, how boring would that be?
Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.
You're sad? I'll cheer you up. You're upset? I'd love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I'll be there for you.
If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.
True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior.
No, " said the cat. "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.
I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.
I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.
