Tim Allen Quotes

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio

I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)

I do a lot of family shows.

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?

If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, "Dad's an idiot," which lasted a little longer than I'd like.

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.

My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.