Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

The spirituality that we need to develop for social change is one that mobilizes us for social change.

If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.

Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise or rewards.

Power-Over leads to punishment and violence. Power-With leads to compassion and understanding, and to learning motivated by reverence for life rather than fear, guilt, shame, or anger.

We are designed for Giving

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

As we learn to speak from the heart we are changing the habits of a lifetime.

The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent or change.

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Miracles can happen when we can keep our consciousness away from analyzing and classifying one another.

The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

NVC is interested in learning that is motivated by reverence for life, by a desire to learn skills, to contribute better to our own well-being and the well-being of others.

Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?

Needs are the expression of life through us.

Thinking based on who deserves what blocks compassionate communication.

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

Tragically, one of the rarest commodities in our culture is empathy. People are hungry for empathy, They don't know how to ask for it.

Violence in any form is a tragic expression of our unmet needs.

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move forward.

Once you can clearly describe what you are reacting to, free of your interpretation or evaluation of it, other people are less likely to be defensive when they hear it.

The first step in healing is to put the focus on what's alive now, not what happened in the past.

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.

If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.

With empathy we don't direct, we follow. Don't just do something, be there.

Postpone result/solution thinking until later; it's through connection that solutions materialize - empathy before education.

The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.

Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.

We give empathy to others for our own benefit.

NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to get our needs met.

Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.

NVC helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.

A respectful understanding of another's experience.

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.

When we have our consciousness on needs, images come to us, naturally, of how to meet those needs.

Every time I mess up is a chance to practice.

Plans to exact retribution are never going to make us safer.

My need is for safety, fun and to have distribution of resources, a sustainable life on the planet. NVC is a strategy that serves me to meet these needs.

If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.

Never give advice to your children unless you have it in writing and notarized.

Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.

Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.

NVC gives us tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

In our culture, most of us have been trained to ignore our own wants and to discount our needs.

We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

However impressed we may be with NVC concepts, it is only through practice and application that our lives are transformed.