Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes
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Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.
Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being.
All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry.
Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.
People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less stupid.
Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.
The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.
Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.
Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.
Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.
When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.
Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.
If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart.
NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.
When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.
At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.
Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.
Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.
Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.
It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.
People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.
The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.
We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.
I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.
Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators.
We can never make anyone do anything against their will without enormous consequences.
At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.
When it comes to giving advice, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer.
Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.
Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.
When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
We are responsible for what we hear other people say and for how we act.
When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.
When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, 'a place beyond rightness and wrongness.
If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.
Most of us live in a Jackal world where we take turns using the other person as a waste basket for our words.
Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.
Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.
I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say.
What I want in my life is compassion a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.