Josh Billings Quotes

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.

I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.

There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity.

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

Satire that is seasonable and just is often more effectual than law or gospel.

Method is the arithmetic of success.

Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul.

The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.

Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven

Shame is the dying embers of virtue.

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

A man cannot learn to be wise any more than he can learn to be handsome.

Rivalry and envy are Siamese twins.

Selfish people, with no heart to speak of, have the best time of it.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all.

Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of job.

Pride seems tew be quite equally distributed; the man who owns the carriage and the man who drives it seem tew have it just alike.

Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.

Ignorance ain't not knowin' stuff; ignorance is knowin' stuff that AIN'T TRUE.

As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.

Men who have much to say use the fewest words.

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.

It is a great art to be superior to others without letting them know it.

We mingle in society not so much to meet others as to escape ourselves.

There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.

The unfortunate do not pity the unfortunate.

The soul has more diseases than the body.

Men of genius are like eagles, they live on what they kill, while men of talents are like crows, they live on what has been killed for them.

Fuss is half-sister to hurry, and neither of them can do anything without getting in their own way.

I do not know of a better cure for sorrow than to pity somebody else.

Too many individuals are like Shakespeare's definition of "echo,"--babbling gossips of the air.

We should make virtue our master, not our servant.

Genuine laughing is the vent of the soul, the nostrils of the heart, and just as necessary for health and happiness as spring water is for a trout.

Society is composed of slow Christians and wide-awake sinners.