Ian Shoales Quotes

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn.

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like 'Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.

Favorite color: I hate colors.

Everybody's excited about the new service economy, even though there is no actual service as near as I can tell.