Bill Cosby Quotes

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Don't talk yourself into not being you.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

No matter what you think-life goes on and the world still turns and the universe has its own story. The most we can do is plan anyway, but understand, be humbled by things greater than ourselves.

YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

Laughter brings out the child in all of us.

If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.

I know people are tired of me not saying anything, but a guy doesn't have to answer to innuendos.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

When I was a boy if a girl got pregnant the shame was placed on her and the boy could get away.

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often.

Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.

Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.

I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap.

A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz.

There are no absolutes in raising children. In any stressful situation, fathering is always a roll of the dice. The game may be messy, but I have never found one with more joys and rewards.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure.

I think you need to make responsibility something that's not just a word.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people.

You are more important to yourself than you think you are.

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.

I don't have a clue about the way to achievement, however the way to disappointment is attempting to please everyone.

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.

Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.