Lucky people develop a relationship with a certain kind of art that becomes spiritual, almost religious, and doesn’t mean, you know, church stuff, but it means you’re just never the same.

I do things like get in a taxi and say, "The library, and step on it.

It can become an exercise in trying to get the reader to like and admire you instead of an exercise in creative art.

One of the things that makes Wittgenstein a real artist to me is that he realized that no conclusion could be more horrible than solipsism.

If your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything.

I know I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

This might be one way to start talking about differences between the early postmodern writers of the fifties and sixties and their contemporary descendants.

How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words.

Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.

In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.

In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard's vote.

When does a fake Mohawk become a real Mohawk? Who decides? How do you know if it's happened?

Laughter can help relieve tension in even the heaviest of matters.

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?

What a person praises is perhaps a surer standard, even than what he condemns, of his own character, information and abilities.

It's a small world. It keeps recrossing itself.

You can do anything you want to do.

I'm just going to write my books and do my work and release it. Let the world decide what it is, and if it's any good or not.

Fashion does seem to have a 20s comeback every few seasons, and I completely see why. Its a very feminine look: the fabrics and the shapes are very pretty and distinctive.

Women are great bullsh*t detectors. They know when it's not real.

If I'm not the sexiest man alive, explain why so many women married me.