I believe men's faces come in two kinds: Faces that need a blade, and faces that need an electric. I never was happy with an electric. I became pizzaneck.

I believe that the fragile-flower, idea-intolerant society of victimhood that is being cultivated in many colleges today is really bad.

Mostly, you become a writer not because you want to get rich or famous, but because you have to write; because there is something inside that must come out.

The verb "Garland" should be created. It would mean to unfairly put a stinking albatross around someone's neck, to make him unemployable.

The horrifying thing is that nearly half of America seems in synch with xenophobia and race-baiting.

Editorials are editorials. They a supposed to have an opinion, even a very strong one.

The one thing an aspiring writer must understand is that it's hard. If you think it's not hard, you're not doing it right.

I once found myself driving, smoking a cigar, taking notes, and talking on the phone at the same time. I only became completely aware of this when I had to shift, and realized something had to give.

One thing I am learning from the kitten is that everything he is doing seems to be in preparation for murder.

I think Marco Rubio could never have recovered from revealing himself to be pathetic.

Every single fat comic uses his weight as a punchline. There is something sad about that.

Everything happens for a reason.

But it was the dark hunger in his tone that got to her. Damn kinky vampire had actually liked the

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.

Sebastian grinned into his drink. Rules. He loved rules. They were so much fun to break.

Most experts suggest that one should open with a joke. Obviously they've never heard me tell a joke.

The aim of Zen training is to attain the state of consciousness which occurs when the individual ego is emptied of itself and becomes identified with the infinite reality of all things.

Our minds are the most mysterious things about us.

...when men ignite in their hearts a religious fury, they inflict at the same time a blindness on their eyes.

The spirit and tone of your home will have great influence on your children. If it is what it ought to be, it will fasten conviction on their minds, however wicked they may become.

I think a man is a man, and a man has a hairy chest, so let that be!