Give little people a little power, and it goes straight to their ugly, little heads. -Foot talks about authority

…have you always been a jackass or is that something you’ve just recently acquired at the ‘I Want to be a Junior Jackass’ store? -Weasel to Army Lieutenant

If you run, you better be faster than my gun. -Weasel to illegal aliens

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.

Companies shouldn't use the law to prevent consumers from doing something legal.

A people of scholars, if they are physically degenerate, weak-willed and cowardly pacifists, will not storm the heavens, indeed, they will not be able to safeguard their existence on this earth.

Start writing the things that you are reading or that you want to be published doing.

Today different ethnic groups and different nations come together due to common sense.

I'm not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn't really bother me.

And when the time comes to replace the O2 I have today, maybe my next machine will run Linux.

The only thing you can never change is your values.

If you're the smartest person in the room, it can sometimes be hard to learn to delegate - the person to whom you're delegating will do the task worse than you would - and it will annoy you!

When you coach as long as I did, you can't help but miss those Saturdays - dealing with the players, the game preparation, the challenges, the excitement