A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, 'cause if she fell down the stairs again.

If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect.

When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

Obviously I'm very confident, not only on the golf course, when I race. I've always backed myself. I'm a very confident sort of person.

The reality is that these cases are happening all the time. It's when they get out of control that you have a problem.

Under most circumstances that would result in disqualification. If the rules of golf are upheld, I believe he should have been disqualified.

Getting the first win is very important. I think that takes a lot of pressure off going forward.

Just because you're a good caddie doesn't mean to say that you're the one that can put a player over the top. A good caddie doesn't necessarily help you've got to gel.

Most people do not realize that they are one car crash away from death.

Every men create some sound. Be a melody in this universe not a noise! If you become a melody, the whole universe will listen to you!

His client needs him, he says. Needs him? But isn’t he needed at home?

I don't go for girls who have beach blond hair, that stereotypical girl thing. But, you know, whatever comes around.

Remember tonight... for it is the beginning of always.

I ordered all of these sets [ from South Korea] and I'm thinking to myself, this is ridiculous. We don't even make televisions here [in U.S].

If you would swim on the bosom of the ocean of Truth, you must reduce yourself to a zero.

Here we go. Kerrick was as subtle as a thunderstorm.

It is an old custom of the servants of God to have some little prayer ready and to be frequently darting them up to heaven during the day, lifting their minds to God out of the mire of this world.

It sounded stupid, but of course everything does when you're just getting the bare bones facts, only the basics.