Humor Quotes

Where in the self-help section of Barnes and Noble does one find a guide on dealing with a supernatural stalker?

While I still did not know what self- actualization that sat on the top level of the pyramid meant, I could believethat if I knew I would be able to say something positive about it as well inmy life.

I am hated for loving.I am haunted for wanting.

I'm tired again, I've tried again, and now my heart is full.And I just can't explain...so I won't even try to.

There's a club, if you'd like to goYou could meet somebody who really loves you.'So you go, and you stand on your ownAnd you leave on your ownAnd you go home, and you cryAnd you want to die.

Even now - in the final hour of my life -I'm falling in love again.

If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words

When you sleepI will creepInto your thoughtsLike a bad debtThat you can't payTake the easy wayand give in!

Hold on to your friends.Resist - or move onBe mad, be rashSmoke and explodeSell all of your clothesJust bear in mind:There just might come a timeWhen you need some friends

Life is a pigsty.

Because ENOUGH is TOO MUCH!And look around ...can you blame us?!

The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.

The Little Drummer Boy" was playing in the background for what seemed like the third time in a row. I fought off an urge to beat that Little Drummer Boy seneless with his own drumsticks.

But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now.

I like the smell of my Grandma's soap - I used to sit in the bath and eat it.

Disco's are tricky. You look a total wally if you dance too early but after one crucial song tips the disco over, you look a sad saddo if you don't.

Music

On the Rolling Stones - You will walk out of the Amphitheatre after watching the Stones perform and suddenly the Chicago stockyards smell clean and good by comparison.

I cringed as the band oozed into the next chord. If notes were cars, I think there was a D major under the wreckage.

My loathings are simple. stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.

You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for businessThat's why they're called business socksIt's business, it's business time

I do not believe in decent women who do not know how to play the piano.

Nobody loves me but mama, and she may be jivin too.

Got it!" Mike announced. The GE record player slowly whirred to life, creaky as an old carousel."Nice, " John said, raising a beer in salute. "What'd you do?""It wasn't on, " Mike said.

I just don't— Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music.

While my body might say, "I'm small and vulnerable, " my hair warns, "DON'T MESS WITH ME.

I’m not sorry it stopped. [on Lady Gaga’s ”Poker Face”]

I’d prefer silence and random jokes about the passing billboards and scenery, but I know how he likes music. I just hope he doesn’t start singing.

Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.

Classic of '43. Don't knock it. A Vintage year.

One of the Keith Commandments is that nothing is secret.

Attracting musicians is rather like inviting flies over to tea: they are tolerable for half an hour, but when they begin to touch the food, you either wish they would go home or die.

Fee-fi-fo-fum, you better run and hideI smell the blood of a petty little coward

A bunch of bad songs, make an awful whine.

What a pair they were - a Mistborn who felt guilty wasting coins to jump and a nobleman who thought balls were too expensive.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

Seriously. Poor little me can deal with having mated a millionaire.”“Oh, you found someone else? With less money?

They do say money is the root of all evil."I thought that was supposed to be the love of money."There's neat for you. 'Tis them without it that loves it best.

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

When someone doesn't want to change then there is nothing you can do to change them. And, when someone wants to change there is nothing you can do to stop them.

If money is a curse, may God smite me with it, and may I never recover!

Stocks may come and stocks may go, but food goes on forever.

*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.

And now that I have been scammed once, I felt like it could not happen to me again.

He aimed at the lawyer's heart but missed it. It was a mistrial.

Take care of your car in the garage, and the car will take care of you on the road.

Among all the machines, motorcar is my favorite machine.

I am so obsessed with the cars that sometimes I feel like my heart is not a muscle, it's an engine.

I love the wheels, I mean steering wheel.

When your heart starts to feel full again. I love FREE refills, and if a restaurant tries to double charge me, I refuse to write a love poem on their Yelp page.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz