Humor Quotes

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-'Rhett

It is. I’m your boyfriend now, whichmeans there’s no room for your hipster admirer. He’ll just have to lick his wounds while we lick other things.

Snowball?"It's white."Meow."It's so girly."This from a guy who named his poodle Princess."his laughter died. "How do you know about Princess?"Your sister told me.

Lori sat way back in her chair and gave him the once-over. "What in the world's gotten into Ben Lawson? jokes? Flirting? Maybe I should sleep with Molly. I think she's got a magic hooha.

I've just vowed my love for you. Have you nothing to say in return?" Duncan asked."Thank you, husband.

If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.

Life sure is easier when you're rich.""And a natural born charmer. Don't forget that part.""How could I?" she retorted. "It's the only thing we have in common.

You may marry Miss Grey for her fifteen pounds but you will always be my Willoughby. My nightmare. My sorrow. My past. My mistake. My regret. My love.

Oh yeah? How about M'Lin the cursed?

Often you don’t know whether you’re the hero of a romantic comedy or the villain on a Lifetime special until the restraining order arrives.

If ever there was something she needed to stick around and fight for, Luc was that something.

Terence: As my old da used to tell me, 'never trust a rich man'.David: Good thing I'm only moderately rich.Terence: Which is why I only moderately distrust you.

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable

Or you just not ask her.""You might as well slit my throat.

After 40 years of marriage, isn’t it amazing when you can look at your partner sound asleep next to you and still believe they have potential.

I think he could handle being used. It would be good for him. He's having trouble sleeping.

You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey.""Karl, we're not fourteen!""Don't bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen -- your neck owes me a hickey."(Karl & Elena)

I know every guy here, and they’re all pretty much jerks.

Lady Ponsonby was right. The forbidden fruit isn't shaped like an apple. It's shaped like a banana.

The human race is all the same when it comes to romantic relations, ' said the Major. 'A startling absence of impulse control combined with complete myopia.

Beth: "What are you, the Energizer Bunny?

But then it was over too quickly and they pulled away. She knew they couldn't stand there and kiss like a couple on the run in a thriller.

Holy fu-" he starts then catches himself."Yes, this tithe will be most pleasing to her Goodness." Me and Magnus exchange amused glances.

I’m a creature of the night.” Slitted eyes peered at her suspiciously. “Good God, you’re not a morning person, are you?

That's it...I'm completely giving up on boys and concentrating on staying alive.

Obsessing over a boy makes the time fly.

{Summertime she speaks of winter, she eats ham, but speaks of beef, got a good man but, flirts with another. She might as well go to hell, cause she ain't gonna be happy in heaven either!}

I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking what to do wit ye once I got ye there. So wee Archie can just go and play at marbles with his bollucks, aye?

Gwen: It's not going to work.Paul: Pardon me?Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait.

Poppy: What makes you think I'm having dinner with you?Jake: Because you can't sit in your room and eat ice cream and chips two nights in a row. You'll get scurvy. You need vitamin C.

Trust me, ’ he says with a touch of impatience.‘Stop asking me to do that, ’ I say, equally as impatiently.

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing

She's as plastic as you are! I'm telling you, it's a bad idea. If the two of you have kids, they'll come out of the birth canal with Fisherprice stamped on their butts!

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

I'm not too heavy?" she asked. He had just come off crutches, after all.Sophie, you're practically a midget, " he reminded her.

Miss Masters was not content with threatening to hire away his staff, oh no. First, she had to perfume it.

It is possible to compromise in certain areas when choosing a partner for life, but never on a cravat.

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

She knew exactly how she ought to feel, for she was well read in our greater and lesser English poets, but the unfortunate fact was that she did not really like being kissed at all.

You’re a nosy sleuth like me because you can’t help it, ” Alma said.

The busy snoops like us can leave no stone unturned, " Alma said.

I’d lick you numb, Mariah. You have no idea the things I’m capable of.

I think you better hurry along with that French toast making, Stud. You know—before my fetus eats your face.”“It would be equally as delicious.

Without hesitation but with a sense of entitlement, he lifted my hand to his lips. He was gentlemen-like in every way... I don’t know why I wondered if it was an act or for real.

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.

I didn't want to go to hell, but even the idea of reclaining my halo scared me because it would mean leaving Aly.

Men were just plain ridiculous with how little time it took them to get handsome.

Romance is like maintaining a car. If you do a good job of it, you will always have a dependable quiet ride.

Maar als je genoeg kikkers kust, kom je vanzelf wel een prins tegen.

Lucus?"She found him on the bed in the master suite, lying with his arms crossed behind his head, glaring at the ceiling as though it had done him wrong in some way.