Humor Quotes

The suicide bombings have increased. There's too many of them.

You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as they say in diplomatic nuanced circles.

Can't living with the bill means it won't become law.

Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious - I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.

So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations.

It's important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than just blocking shots.

If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all.

Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that.

Whatever it took to help Taiwan defend theirself.

We must have the attitude that every child in America - regardless of where they're raised or how they're born - can learn.

Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be open.

If he's - the inference is that somehow he thinks slavery is a - is a noble institution I would - I would strongly reject that assumption - that John Ashcroft is a openminded, inclusive person.

She's just trying to make sure Anthony gets a good meal - Antonio.

I also have picked a secretary for Housing and Human Development. Mel Martinez from the state of Florida.

I knew it might put him in an awkward position that we had a discussion before finality has finally happened in this presidential race.

As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida led by Jim Baker.

Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?

If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders.

It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term.

It's going to require numerous IRA agents.

I would have my secretary of treasury be in touch with the financial centers, not only here but at home.

They have miscalculated me as a leader.

I want to make it clear to people that the idea of putting subliminable messages into ads is ridiculous.

Conspiracy theories abound in American politics. I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs.

This is what I'm good at. I like meeting people, my fellow citizens, I like interfacing with them.

That's Washington. That's the place where you find people getting ready to jump out of the foxholes before the first shot is fired.

I regret that a private comment I made to the vice presidential candidate made it through the public airways.

The point is, this is a way to help inoculate me about what has come and is coming.

This campaign not only hears the voices of the entrepreneurs and the farmers and the entrepreneurs, we hear the voices of those struggling to get ahead.

I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought to say where.

I want you to know that farmers are not going to be secondary thoughts to a Bush administration. They will be in the forethought of our thinking.

You might want to comment on that, Honorable.

There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me.

He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because the results speak for themselves. I mean, New York's a safer place for him to be.

I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know.

I've got a great sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm running. And, you know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be a tough campaign.

The fact that he relies on facts - says things that are not factual - are going to undermine his campaign.

I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants. And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go to the university.

Really proud of it. A great campaign. And I'm really pleased with the organization and the thousands of South Carolinians that worked on my behalf. And I'm very gracious and humbled.

How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?

I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less - I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people.

The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of them.

I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember.

It's my first trip as president of the United States.

Kosovians can move back in.

We say to seniors, we understand how important prescription drug coverage, so prescription drugs will be an ingrinable part of the Medicare plan.

One of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a-a cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone.

After all, religion has been around a lot longer than Darwinism.

There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be townhall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge country.

Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is-I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know this: 100 percent will get it if I'm the president.