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W.C. Fields Quotes

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W.C. Fields Quotes: "First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks."

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I never eat before breakfast."

I never eat before breakfast.




W.C. Fields Quotes: "I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "A songwriter should have friends who are similarly interested; should move about in the milieu of work he has chosen for himself."

A songwriter should have friends who are similarly interested; should move about in the milieu of work he has chosen for himself.




W.C. Fields Quotes: "Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places."

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure."

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.




W.C. Fields Quotes: "Good enough never is. Set your standards so high that even the flaws are considered excellent."

Good enough never is. Set your standards so high that even the flaws are considered excellent.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil."

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live."

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "It's never too late - not now, not ever - for you to pursue your passion."

It's never too late - not now, not ever - for you to pursue your passion.




W.C. Fields Quotes: "As believers, we all have the responsibility to leverage our wealth for kingdom purposes."

As believers, we all have the responsibility to leverage our wealth for kingdom purposes.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours."

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive."

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender."

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I drink therefore I am."

I drink therefore I am.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive."

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "What we sow in youth we reap in age; the seed of the thistle always produces the thistle."

What we sow in youth we reap in age; the seed of the thistle always produces the thistle.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually."

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else."

Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies."

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon."

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)."

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).



W.C. Fields Quotes: "What I wanted was to be allowed to do the thing in the world that I did best - which I believed then and believe now is the greatest privilege there is. When I did that, success found me."

What I wanted was to be allowed to do the thing in the world that I did best - which I believed then and believe now is the greatest privilege there is. When I did that, success found me.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "No matter where I run, I meet myself there."

No matter where I run, I meet myself there.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy."

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday."

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "The greatest failure is not to try. Had I listened to all the people during the course of my life who said, "You can't. You'll fail. It won't work. You don't have...," I wouldn't be here today."

The greatest failure is not to try. Had I listened to all the people during the course of my life who said, "You can't. You'll fail. It won't work. You don't have...," I wouldn't be here today.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split."

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty."

Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty."

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me."

I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I exercise daily to keep my figure. I keep patting my hand against the bottom of my chin. It works too. I have the thinnest fingers in town."

I exercise daily to keep my figure. I keep patting my hand against the bottom of my chin. It works too. I have the thinnest fingers in town.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink."

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation."

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad."

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "Oh, to be home again, home again, home again! Under the apple-boughs, down by the mill!"

Oh, to be home again, home again, home again! Under the apple-boughs, down by the mill!



W.C. Fields Quotes: "All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips."

All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "The most important thing is for you to believe in what you are doing."

The most important thing is for you to believe in what you are doing.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain."

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "There are people out there who want to say yes. That gave me confidence to keep asking."

There are people out there who want to say yes. That gave me confidence to keep asking.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "You can't cheat an honest man."

You can't cheat an honest man.



W.C. Fields Quotes: "...often, stepping outside your comfort zone is not careless irresponsibility, but a necessary act of obedience."

...often, stepping outside your comfort zone is not careless irresponsibility, but a necessary act of obedience.