Tina Fey Quotes

Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

Many of the world's greatest discoveries have been by accident. I mean, look at the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or Botox.

When I started on 'Saturday Night Live,' I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don't take myself too seriously.

Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.

Quentin Tarantino is here, star of all my sexual nightmares.

Don't be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.

When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

Whenever you see me, I'm on antique quaaludes.

I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.

I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.

Pissing in jars, they had never been handed a fifteen-year-old Kotex product by the school nurse. But they trusted me and Paula, so I'm proud to say we made

I think for women especially, you need to have a plan. I need to have some other ways to generate income, so I don't have to stretch my face or lift the top of my head with surgery or something.

Boyhood proves that there's still good roles for women over 40, as long as you get hired when you're under 40.

If you're an actor and you don't get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.

I am extremely square and obedient in nature!

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other.

Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.

The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.

A wise friend once told me, 'Don't wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.'

You’re in competition with everyone.

It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, 'if this is what it takes to win, it's not worth it.'

Every kid has something they're good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.

It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is dead.

You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you're halfway there. It's inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it's not that instant kind of funny.

I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.

It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

I had to get back to work... NBC has me under contract; the baby and I only have a verbal agreement.

Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.

There are so many quiet times you spend as a mother that aren't glorified but are a foundation for your kids. No matter what, there was always a thick safety net under this trapeze.

Life is improvisation.

I don't like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don't think that fighting and passion are the same thing.

When hiring, mix Harvard Nerds with Chicago Improvisers and stir.

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history's worst decisions [...].

An acting teacher once told me, 'Greet everything with yes... Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.'

You have to remember that actors are human beings. Which is hard sometimes because they look so much better than human beings.

I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did - Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.

If you are capable people are happy to play with you.

A new poll showed that 66% of Americans think President Bush is doing a poor job handling the war in Iraq and the remaining 34% think that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church.

It's not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what your trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what your actually saying.

The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It's not forbidden anymore.

When you have a set of characters, you have to fall in love with them and care about them as each individual character.