Sharon Salzberg, Real Love: The Art Of Mindful Connection Quotes
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We cannot simply forgive and forget, nor should we.
Ultimately, we forgive others in order to free ourselves.
Real forgiveness in close relationships is never easy. It can’t be rushed or engineered.
We nurture our sense of connection with the larger whole, noticing that the whole is only as healthy as its smallest part.
The difference between a life laced through with frustration and one sustained by happiness depends on whether it is motivated by self-hatred or by real love for oneself.
A relationship is the union of two psychological systems.
When we set an intention to explore our emotional hot spots, we create a pathway to real love.
Often in close relationships, the subject being discussed is not the subject at all.
In order to free ourselves from our assumptions about love, we must ask ourselves what long-held, often buried assumptions are and then face them, which takes courage, humility, and kindness.
You don't have to love yourself unconditionally before you can give or receive real love.
When we develop our ability to love in one realm, we simultaneously nourish our ability in others, as long as we remain open to the flow of insight and compassion.
So often we operate from ideas of love that don’t fit our reality.
The practice of loving-kindness is about cultivating love as a trans-formative strength,
Feelings of apathy as they relate to our relationships often stem from insufficiently paying attention to those around us.
It takes a special courage to challenge the rigid confines of our accustomed story. It’s not easy to radically alter our views about where happiness comes from but it’s eminently possible.
Only when we start to distinguish reality from fantasy that we can humbly, with eyes wide open, forge loving and sustainable connections with others.
Kindness is not a fixed trait that we either have or lack, but more like a muscle that can be developed and strengthened.
Taking in another’s criticism, even when it’s offered out of love, requires courage.
One foundation of loving relationships is curiosity, keeping open to the idea that we have much to learn even about those we have been close to for decades.
When we don’t tell those we love about what’s really going on or listen carefully to what they have to say, we tend to fill in the blanks with stories.
Although much of the work we do in committed relationships we do with our partners, sometimes it’s necessary to start with ourselves.
With our close friends, family members, and lovers, we hope to create a special world, one in which we can expect to be treated fairly, with care, tenderness, and compassion.
Be open to the possibility that there are other paths available to you in relating to yourself and to another.
Without equanimity, we might give love to others only in an effort to bridge the inevitable and healthy space that always exists between two people.
How we traverse the space between us when conflict arises has a profound effect on the health and longevity of our relationships.
A particularly difficult line to navigate is the one between fear and love, especially for parents, who want more than anything to protect their children from suffering.
The paradigm for our relationships is formed from our earliest experiences and is actually hardwired into our neurological and emotional network.
Letting go of the belief that we’re powerless to help relieve our own suffering enhances our ability not only to heal but also to genuinely love and receive the love of others.
The key in letting go is practice. Each time we let go, we disentangle ourselves from our expectations and begin to experience things as they are.
We learn from conflicts only when we are willing to do so.
To truly love ourselves, we must challenge our beliefs that we need to be different or better.
With a clear intention and a willing spirit, sooner or later we experience the joy and freedom that arises when we recognize our common humanity with others and see that real love excludes no one.
As soon as we ask whether or not a story is true in the present moment, we empower ourselves to re-frame it.
Maybe what we really need is to change our relationship to what is, to see who we are with the strength of a generous spirit & a wise heart.
What happens in our hearts is our field of freedom. As long as we carry old wounds and anger in our hearts, we continue to suffer. Forgiveness allows us to move on.
We can free ourselves from the old stories that have reduced us & allow real love for ourselves to blossom.
Living in a story of a limited self—to any degree—is not love.
Integration arises from intimacy with our emotions and our bodies, as well as with our thoughts.
Though it may sound paradoxical, identifying our thoughts, emotions, and habitual patterns of behavior is the key to freedom & transformation.
Cultivating loving kindness for ourselves is the foundation of real love for our friends and family, for new people we encounter in our daily lives, for all beings and for life itself.
When we experience inner impoverishment, love for another too easily becomes hunger: for reassurance, for acclaim, for affirmation of our worth.
Love is a living capacity within us that is always present, even when we don’t sense it.
When our focus is on seeking, perfecting, or clinging to romance, the charge is often generated by instability, rather than by an authentic connection with another person.
Real Love may run on a lower voltage, but it’s also more grounded & sustainable.
Whatever language we use use to describe healthy relationships, when we’re in them, we feel nourished by them, in body as well as mind.
As we explore new ways of thinking, we need to be willing to investigate, experiment, take some risks with our attention, and stretch.
The wholesome pursuit of excellence feels quite different from perfectionism.
The combination of realizing our distinctiveness along with our unity is seeing interdependence.
When we learn to respond to disappointments with acceptance, we give ourselves the space to realize that all our experiences—good and bad alike—are opportunities to learn and grow.
Loving ourselves calls us to give up the illusion that we can control everything and focuses us on building our inner resource of resilience.