John Oliver Quotes

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

People are friendlier in New York than London.

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

I feel non-stop Brit shame!

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language...the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.

Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.

Men ... always think that something they are going to get is better than what they have got.

Why should we refuse the happiness this hour gives us because some other hour might take it away?

I have always found that each step we take in life is to be regretted-if we once begin to wonder how many other steps might have been possible.

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences.