Joe Rogan Quotes

Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I've ever had in my life.

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.

People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.

If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances.

People do always try to smoke pot with me. But I think some of those people are cops.

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

I've actually been doing stand up for more than 20 years. I started in 1988. It's almost 30 years! Which is crazy.

There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network.

Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in...... Brazilian JiuJitsu

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.

Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: "We can't say that one anymore it's offensive."

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

Like any tool [drugs] can help you or hurt you.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.

Also I can come up with new bits - people yell stuff out and it's a new subject or a subject that I've been thinking about that I haven't done onstage yet and I'll just run with it.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

Houston Alexander is for real!

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.