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Deborah Tannen Quotes

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Deborah Tannen Quotes: "The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship."

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness."

Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.




Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication"

Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Many men honestly do not know what women want, and women honestly do not know why men find what they want so hard to comprehend and deliver."

Many men honestly do not know what women want, and women honestly do not know why men find what they want so hard to comprehend and deliver.




Deborah Tannen Quotes: "We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has"

We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "The desire for freedom and independence becomes more of an issue for many men in relationships, whereas interdependence and connection become more of an issue for many women."

The desire for freedom and independence becomes more of an issue for many men in relationships, whereas interdependence and connection become more of an issue for many women.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict."

Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.




Deborah Tannen Quotes: "More men feel comfortable doing "public speaking," while more women feel comfortable doing "private" speaking."

More men feel comfortable doing "public speaking," while more women feel comfortable doing "private" speaking.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups."

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something - and so little effort of so few to tear it down."

Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something - and so little effort of so few to tear it down.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "If women are often frustrated because men do not respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often frustrated because women do."

If women are often frustrated because men do not respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often frustrated because women do.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued."

To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.




Deborah Tannen Quotes: "The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he's driving is negotiating both status and connection."

The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he's driving is negotiating both status and connection.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "It can be the best of relationships and the worst of relationships - often at the same time. The bond between a mother and daughter is one of the strongest, but it's also among the most complicated."

It can be the best of relationships and the worst of relationships - often at the same time. The bond between a mother and daughter is one of the strongest, but it's also among the most complicated.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman."

Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women."

Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence"

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence."

All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations."

Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's"

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Many women feel it is natural to consult with their partners at every turn, while many men automatically make more decisions without consulting their partners."

Many women feel it is natural to consult with their partners at every turn, while many men automatically make more decisions without consulting their partners.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds."

In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others."

The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same."

Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life."

any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight."

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before."

In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "But if you parry individuals points - a negative and defensive enterprise - you never step back and actively imagine a world in which a different system of ideas could be true - a positive act."

But if you parry individuals points - a negative and defensive enterprise - you never step back and actively imagine a world in which a different system of ideas could be true - a positive act.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations."

Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Girls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way; they are more concerned that they be liked."

Girls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way; they are more concerned that they be liked.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball."

Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord."

False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking."

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions."

Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women's styles of friendship and conversation aren't inherently better than men's, simply different."

Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women's styles of friendship and conversation aren't inherently better than men's, simply different.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's."

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "I was one of those daughters who saw my mother as my enemy when I was a teen."

I was one of those daughters who saw my mother as my enemy when I was a teen.



Deborah Tannen Quotes: "We all want, above all, to be heard. We want to be understood—heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant."

We all want, above all, to be heard. We want to be understood—heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant.