Artie Lange Quotes

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.

I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'

You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'