Aisha Tyler Quotes

Marriage isn't a carnival ride.

On general principle, I boycott shows that don't employ actors.

I don't believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There's a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.

Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.

Karaoke is the great equalizer.

You can only really learn from failure ... To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.

My parents were vegetarians. I'd show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.

I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

Pop culture is great, but it can be bad, at times.

When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don't think so.

I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn't do anything academically around the arts.

I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

You know, it's about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying - all these young books for women are like I'm 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can't get a date. Come on.

I'm black, and black don't crack. It does droop.

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I'd still have plenty of other things to do.

I'm the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.

I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.

Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I'm my happiest when I'm under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.

I like grown up comedy.

TV always wants more people to be watching.

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

I really do know football.

I'm just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can. I've just got to be myself and hopefully people will find me. And my audience did find me.

Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they're always going to be up, and I think that's impossible for anyone.

I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone's afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.

I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person's interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.

I'm such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

I'm sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can't wait to get back. Can't wait to have some Timbits.

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being's fibers need to hit the gym.

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.'

Comedy is ugly. It's honest, it's raw.

I'm just myself, so I don't know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.

But I love stand-up, and it's where I came from creatively, so it's something I never want to walk away from.

I am absolutely a Giants fan and I'm a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.

Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.

I was raised by a single dad, so I've always just kind of liked "guys" stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.

I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.

Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.

I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way. I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

I have one girlfriend who is dating right now - she's divorced - and she's on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that's not a real game, but it's my favorite thing to do.

I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they're already dead and they can't feel it. They don't have feelings.

I love it when I come across a word I don't know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren't smart enough to come along with me.