Humor Vampire Quotes

Humor Vampire Quote of the day

It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal.

Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid.

What would a Mohammedan vampire do if faced with a cross?

At the last parent visitation night I'd sorta accidentally watched a majorly nightmarish scene between Aphrodite and her parents. Her dad's the mayor of Tulsa. Her mom might be Satan.

I have been stabbed, shot, burned, bitten, beaten unconscious too many times to count, and even staked. None of those held a candle to the pain I felt at seeing his mouth on hers.

You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.

Playing with fire Kitten?

You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.

Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space.

Kitty need's a tounge bath

You look like the vamp who bled the cat.

He gives me the hairy eyeball, and asks me to help him find his pancreas.

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire.

When it comes to love triangles and duels to the death, you should always cheat. - Fairy Werewolf vs. Zombie Vampire

That’s rich, coming from you, Hellcat, I would’ve thought it was impossible for a Vampire to get grey hairs until I met you! (Alexander)

We’re only five years apart, ” I said defiantly. “If you look at some of those dysfunctional vampyre relationships, we’re near normal.

There were a few things scarier than a bipolar vampire off his meds, but to be honest, not that many.

Right. I can see it now. Merry Christmas, everybody! And by the way, did I tell you I'm a vampire? No need to pass the gravy, just bare your neck-

Seriously, I ‘ve got to know if I need to protect you from people running with pencils." ~ Laney

I can still feel my legs, thanks for asking. My back’s not even hurt that badly. Only as though I was just hit by a train.

Dear God, that man has a magnificent body.' ............. 'It’s like having a cupcake thrust in front of your face and not being allowed to have a lick of the icing.

I'll just stay ten feet away from him at all times so I don't accidentally trip and fall and land lips first on his mouth.

Sorry. Didn't mean to step on any dead toes.

Um, she'll take your number if you're single

You freaking bit me, " I said, my voice hoarse. "You're lucky I don't call animal control.

I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.

Maybe Dracula wasn't a vampire, just a raging alcoholic who was constantly hungover.

A man without a sweet tooth is not to be trusted.

Typically, I prefer to gag my own men. I'd never considered having them delivered to me that way.

My turner Mah'Lor is with me forever as well. At least his head is.

A line of perspiration slipped down my spine like a waterslide at an unamusement park.

Before you go, mate, turn on the telly. Something raunchy too. Think I'll rub off one before I go to sleep

Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours, ” I said. “I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial. Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.

I stood up in a flash and flushed a light shade of furious.

Great. There goes our security deposit."~ Sean

If we adopted Jack, " I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance

You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.

My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better.

Am I still married to a cat? (Adrian)

Easy. Peasy

Can you enter a house uninvited?""No.""Why?""That would be rude.

Do you love him?"There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them.