Bill Hicks Quotes

I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.

Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.

A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.

I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting.

Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much.

Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick--'You hate this country'....I have to tell him...I just hate being lied to.

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?

I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.

We really are All One....this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.

I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

So, it's good to be here, wherever I am.

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.

If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.

In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.

What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.

The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

I am available for children's parties, by the way.

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

God has this...hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.

This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me.

How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.

I've said all that I've had to say.

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!

To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.

And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.