Anonymous. Quotes

Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day like those of a baseball player.

When you want really big money you usually find yourself talking to people who didn't go to Eton.

We were awfully poor. But we had a lot of things that money can't buy . . . like unpaid bills.

Definition of the upper crust: A bunch of crumbs held together by dough.

The man who invented slow-motion movies got his idea while watching a Scotsman reach for a check in a restaurant.

By the time a man is rich enough to sleep late he's too old to enjoy it.

If cold December gave you birth The month of snow and ice and mirth Place on your hand a turquoise blue Success will bless what'er you do.

Thirty days hath September April June and November All the rest have thirty-one Excepting February alone: Which hath but twenty-eight in fine Till leap year gives it twenty-nine.

Even moderation ought not to be practised to excess.

With each sunrise we start anew.

With every rising of the sun think of your life as just begun.

Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.

My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.

Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.

Oboe - an ill woodwind that nobody blows good.

Harpists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune.

Necessity the mother of invention.

By evil report and good report.

Night when deep sleep falleth on men.

Persistence is the master virtue. Without it there is no other.

A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.

We rate ability in men by what they finish not by what they begin.

The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running.

It's the steady constant driving to the goal for which you're striving not the speed with which you travel that will make your victory sure.

I'm not there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

If something is boring after two minutes try it for four. If still boring try for eight sixteen thirty-two and so on. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring but very interesting.

Hope says to us constantly "go on go on " and leads us to the grave.

It is with enterprises as with striking fire we do not meet with success except with reiterated efforts and often at the instant when we despaired of success.

Don't leave before the miracle happens!

A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.

The most important thing in our lives is what we are doing now.

Time cannot be expanded accumulated mortgaged hastened or retarded.

One day of pleasure is worth two of sorrow.

What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do.

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun some joy some real satisfaction that day is a loss.

A day is a span of time no one is wealthy enough to waste.

Time is the arbitrary division of eternity.

An hour of pain is as long as a day of pleasure.

Time is the tyrant of the body.

Time is the dressing room for eternity.

As my mother used to say: "Mimic a duck act calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like crazy underneath."

Some people might say that I think too highly of you just because I worship the water you walk on.

An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics] so let's just think of this as empty.

I was chosen to speak due to my warm personality. . . . Look up warm and it means "not so hot."

A speech that's full of sparkling wit will keep its hearer grinning provided its end is close to its beginning.

The recipe for a good speech includes some shortening.

We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.