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Best Funny Quotes and Sayings | Funny Messages

Written by CA Surbhi Chaudhari | Updated on: January 06, 2021


Best Funny Quotes and Sayings | Funny Messages

In this article, we have compiled and included some of the best funny and comedy quotes and sayings to make you laugh. As we all know, laughter is always an excellent medicine to reduce your stress, and the best part is it is free of cost. It helps in reducing your stress, as well as helps in maintaining your blood pressure, releases endorphins, and provides many medical benefits. So, here is the list of top funny quotes and sayings for you.

Having fun in life is very important. But this feeling is fading in this competitive world. Through this article, we aim to bring some benefits and reasons for having fun.

What is fun?

The more I thought about it, the more clear it got. That this one-syllable word has many definitions. Fun means enjoyment. It could mean play sometimes. When we are playing we are always having fun, right? It could mean pleasure. It is often interchangeably used with joy and entertainment. 

Then there is another observational meaning of the term. Flow. When we are in a motion of work, without any rejection from our body and mind, it is like we have descended into our own world of timelessness and exhilaration.

I hate my job

The 'flow' concept architect, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explains the relation between fun and flow. He says it is a relationship between our abilities and the challenge in front of us. 

I am looking for a challenging job.

Who hasn't used it in their résumé? And I bet you mean it too. But what degree of challenge exactly?

This is what the Hungarian-American psychologist expresses, that challenge and our capabilities should be complimentary. When challenge becomes greater than we can handle, forget about fun, it just leads to anxiety. And when it is too low, we tend to get bored and vexed for loss of achievement, which brings us to the cause of our problem, why we are not able to enjoy our work.

'Maintaining the dynamic balance between abilities and challenge is key to the fun'

Funny quotes about life

Best funny quotes about life: 

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. | Funny quotes about life

  1. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles Schulz
  2. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein
  3. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde
  4. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. - Dave Barry
  5. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A.A. Milne
  6. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. - Benjamin Franklin
  7. Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard
  8. I have never developed indigestion from eating my words. - Winston Churchill
  9. If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you haven’t laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun. - Marlo Morgan
  10. Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop. - Anonymous
  11. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
  12. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. - Robert Benchley
  13. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. -Ron White
  14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad - Miles Kington
  15. Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone. - Ted Robbins
  16. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree And women get her master’s degree. - Muhammad Asim

Funny birthday quotes

Best funny birthday quotes:

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.  | Funny birthday quotes

  1. Don't regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.- Catherine Pulsifer
  2. Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday, I will forget yours if you forget mine!- Kate Summers
  3. The good thing about getting older is if you don't want to do something you can say, I'm too old to do that!- Kate Summers
  4. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. - H. Prochnow
  5. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. - Robert Frost
  6. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. - Ogden Nash
  7. Another birthday? Don’t let it get you down. After all, you’re still winning our race to the grave, old man.- Anonymous
  8. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Rev. Larry Lorenzoni
  9. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. - Sir Norman Wisdom
  10. Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir
  11. Something to remember on your birthday. Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.- Biran Jones
  12. You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!-Allison
  13. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.- Robert Frost
  14. When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.- Mark Twain
  15. When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half… Forget that, after I finally learned to talk, my parents were telling me to shut up.-Alien

Funny senior quotes

My computer screen is brighter than my future. | Funny senior quotes

Best funny senior quotes:

  1. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.- Ankit Jain
  2. A lot of girls didn’t like me this year, but their boyfriends did.- Stephany Esquivel
  3. Cheaters never win, but I just graduated.- Richard Gilot
  4. I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and to whoever invented copy and paste. Thank you.- Stephanie Flores 
  5. If you like water, you already like 72% of me.- Jireh
  6. Remember… The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe… Eat cake.- Iyanna Morgan
  7. High school was easy. It was like riding a bike. Except the bike was on fire and the ground was on fire and everything was on fire because it was hell.- Randey Chung
  8. My computer screen is brighter than my future.- Katia Perez
  9. Remember that true beauty comes from within — within bottles, compacts, and lipstick tubes.- Jeffree Star
  10. All three years of high school, I had my earphones on, and no one ever knew.-Amena Al-shugaa
  11. When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into the ground so they can let me down. One last time.- Jenna Allen
  12. If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.- Daniel Jones
  13. They asked me to write something. So here it is: Something.- Unknown
  14. When life shuts the door, open it back up. That’s how doors work.- Diana Lopez
  15. Why fall in love when you can fall asleep.- Jessica Enciso
  16. Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck. Then pretend to be someone else.- Mitchell Wieland
  17. Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.- Connor Hart

Funny motivational quotes

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. | Funny motivational quotes  

Best funny motivational quotes:

  1. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown
  2. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers
  3. Always remember that you are unique - just like everybody else. - Unknown
  4. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde
  5. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. - Steven Wright
  6. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible! - Audrey Hepburn
  7. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
  8. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin
  9. Bad decisions make good stories. - Ellis Vidler
  10. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. - Louis Agassiz
  11. Be happy - it drives people crazy. - Unknown
  12. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
  13.  People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily. - Zig Ziglar
  14. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. - Unknown
  15. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. - Sam Levenson
  16. Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night. - Jason Love

Funny love quotes 

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t. | Funny love quotes 

Best funny love quotes:

  1. You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!.- Anonymous
  2. I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.- Anonymous
  3. Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. - Jean Kerr
  4. Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.- Anonymous
  5. Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. - Cathy Carlyle
  6. Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. - Jules Renard
  7. When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.- Anonymous
  8. Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. - Oscar Wilde
  9. According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.- Anonymous
  10. Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.- Anonymous
  11. A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
  12.  Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Pauline Thomason
  13. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford
  14. Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. - Jewish Proverbangerfield
  15. Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. - Thomas Dewar
  16. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein
  17. Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. - Fulton J. Sheen

Funny quotes and sayings 

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. | Funny quotes and sayings 

Best funny quotes and sayings:

  1. Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.- Anonymous
  2. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a cell phone. - Anonymous
  3. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. - Anonymous
  4. You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous
  5. People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. - Anonymous
  6. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. - Anonymous
  7. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. - Anonymous
  8. An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous
  9. Why can't the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself. - Anonymous
  10. How can you hurt someone with words? Hit them with a dictionary. - Anonymous
  11. They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy. - Anonymous
  12. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit. - Anonymous
  13. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Erma Bombeck
  14. I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now. - Anonymous
  15. I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse... except for money.- - Anonymous 
  16. Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive. - Anonymous

Funny movie quotes 

Greater good? I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get! | Funny movie quotes 

Best funny movie quotes

  1. It's just a flesh wound.-Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
  2. That is my least vulnerable spot.-Casablanca (1942)
  3. This building has to be at least…. three times bigger than this!- Zoolander (2001)
  4.  I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.- Airplane (1980)
  5. Yeah, but I shoot with this hand.-Blazing Saddles (1974)
  6.  I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.-The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
  7. I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s.- Deadpool (2016)
  8.  Martini. Gin, not vodka. Obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth.- Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
  9.  Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!-
  10.  The Incredibles (2004)
  11.  I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [Someone catcalls her.] I object!- Legally Blonde (2001)
  12.  We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars.- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
  13.  He might be okay. [Beat. Huge explosion.] Well, no, probably not now.-Groundhog Day (1993)
  14.  Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.-The Godfather (1972)
  15.  I'm in a glass case of emotion!- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
  16.  That rug really tied the room together, did it not?-The Big Lebowski (1998)

Funny Christmas quotes 

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. | Funny Christmas quotes 

Best funny Christmas quotes:

  1. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.- Phyllis Diller
  2. The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. - Johnny Carson
  3. I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. - Henny Youngman
  4. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. - Jerry Seinfeld
  5. Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. - Tom Sims
  6. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. - Joan Rivers
  7. Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.- Unknown
  8. People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. - Unknown
  9. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money. - Unknown
  10. Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. - Melanie White
  11. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. - Anonymous
  12. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. - Anonymous
  13. Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. - Lenore Hershey
  14. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? - Arlo Guthrie
  15. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. - Katharine Whitehorn
  16. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. - Larry Wilde
  17. Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year. - P. J. O’Rourke

Funny life quotes 

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips | Funny life quotes 

Best funny life quotes:

  1. I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous
  2. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - Anonymous
  3. You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night. - Anonymous
  4. Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous
  5. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. - Anonymous 
  6. There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. - Anonymous
  7. I always say morning instead of good morning, because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. - Anonymous
  8.  I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it. —Unknown
  9. If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. - Anonymous
  10. I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning. - Anonymous
  11. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. —Unknown
  12.  My life feels like a test I didn't study for. —Unknown
  13. Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. —Unknown
  14. I never knew a single noise could actually drive a person insane, but then I had kids and realized all things really are possible. —Unknown
  15. Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk. —Unknown

Short Funny quotes 

With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone. | Short Funny quotes 

Best short funny quotes:

  1. With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.- Oscar Wilde
  2. When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes; when you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That’s relativity.- Albert Einstein
  3. In life only three things are certain: death, Adobe updates and taxes.- Trevor Noah
  4. I don’t care what others say or think about me, at least I am attractive to mosquitoes. - Anonymous
  5. If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.- Bill Gates
  6. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.- Franklin P. Jones
  7. A stupid selects another stupid to train, to prove both are stupids.- P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar
  8. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. -Anonymous
  9. I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. - Anonymous
  10. People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. -- Anonymous
  11. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Emo Philips
  12. Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday. - Anonymous
  13. When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous
  14. If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous
  15. Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. - Anonymous

Funny coffee quotes

Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping | Funny coffee quotes

Best funny coffee quotes:

  1. Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars. - Anonymous 
  2. I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it. - Anonymous
  3. I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors. - Anonymous 
  4. Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out. - Anonymous  
  5. How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso. - Anonymous 
  6. Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.- Earl Wilson
  7. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.- Barista Life
  8. I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.- Lewis Black
  9. When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee.- Anonymous
  10. Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping.- Anonymous
  11. I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.-Jac Vanek
  12. Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.-Anonymous
  13. 7 days without coffee makes one WEAK.— Anonymous
  14. Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.— Anonymous
  15. I’m holding a cup of coffee, so yeah, I’m pretty busy.- Anonymous

Funny thanksgiving quotes 

Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage. | Funny thanksgiving quotes 

Best funny thanksgiving quotes:

  1. A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping.- Jimmy Fallon
  2. Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.- Unknown
  3. I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. -Howie Mandel
  4. After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.- Oscar Wilde
  5. Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.- Unknown
  6. I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.- Damien Fahey
  7. Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.- Melanie White
  8. It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.
  9. Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It’s a national tradition.- Eric Samuel Timm, Static Jedi: The Art of Hearing God Through the Noise
  10. Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.- Mike Connolly
  11. A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.- Kin Hubbard
  12. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.- Irv Kupcinet
  13. I can't cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.- Charlie Brown
  14. I like football. I find it's an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.- Craig Ferguson

Funny family quotes 

Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off | Funny family quotes 

Best funny family quotes:

  1. Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts. - Les Dawson
  2. The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. - Robert Brault
  3. Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.- Ralph Bus
  4. All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - W.C. Fields
  5. I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
  6. The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.- Erma Bombeck
  7. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. - Sam Levenson
  8. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.- George Carlin
  9. I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.- Ugo Betti
  10. Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.- Evan Esar
  11. I realized my family was Funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.- Anthony Anderson
  12. In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.- Margaret Laurence
  13. If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.- Ashleigh Brilliant
  14. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns
  15. Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.- Earl Wilson

Funny morning quotes 

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. | Funny morning quotes 

Best funny morning quotes:

  1. I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.-Anonymous 
  2. My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it. - Anonymous
  3. Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! - Anonymous 
  4. At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous
  5. Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous
  6. I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning. - Anonymous
  7. My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.: - Anonymous
  8. When people tell me You're going to regret that in the morning, I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous
  9. Some mornings I just feel like breaking the damn alarm but then one thing always stops me. I paid hundreds of dollars to buy my phone.- Anonymous
  10. When I wake from a nap no one can talk to for at least 45 minutes because I’m 350% more ugly and 900% more mad.- Anonymous
  11. My idea of Good Morning is one when I open my eyes, take a deep breath, then go back to sleep.- Anonymous
  12. Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been cancelled, now go back to sleep.- Anonymous
  13. Me and morning don’t see eye to eye, mostly because I don’t want to open mine.- Anonymous
  14. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.- Anonymous
  15. Best feeling ever : when you check your alarm clock and you have 3 hours left to sleep.- Anonymous
  16. Me every night : I don’t need to sleep; Me every morning : I need to sleep for 3 days straight.- Anonymous

Funny valentines day quotes 

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. | Funny valentines day quotes 

Best funny valentines day quotes:

  1. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.- Agatha Christie
  2. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.- Albert Einstein
  3. Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.- Carroll Bryant
  4. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.- David Sedaris
  5. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.- Will Ferrell
  6. Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.- George Burns
  7. Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.- Jerry Seinfeld
  8. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.- Joan Crawford
  9. Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.- Lewis Black
  10. Without Valentine’s Day, February would be … well, January.- Jim Gaffigan
  11. Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.-Unknown
  12. Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.- Phyllis Schlafly
  13. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.- Richard Jeni
  14. I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.- Rita Rudner

Funny anniversary quotes 

Unless you want to forget about your marriage, it’s a good idea to remember your anniversary | Funny anniversary quotes 

Best funny anniversary quotes:

  1. A marriage anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.- Anonymous
  2. For Marriage to Be a Success, Every Woman and Every Man Should Have Her and His Own Bathroom. The End.- Catherine Zeta-Jones
  3. If two people love each other, nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat.- Anonymous
  4. Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.- Anonymous
  5. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.- Rita Rudner
  6. Unless you want to forget about your marriage, it’s a good idea to remember your anniversary.- Melanie White
  7. Drug stores understand life. That’s why the anniversary cards and sympathy cards are right next to each other.- Anonymous
  8. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.- Henry Youngman
  9. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.- Anonymous
  10. Marriage is just texting each other - do we need anything from the grocery store? - until one of you dies.- Anonymous
  11. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.- Rita Rudner
  12. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.- Erma Bombeck
  13. Well, we made it another year without one of us either ending up dead or in jail.-Anonymous
  14. All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.-Anonymous
  15. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel De Montaigne

Funny Friday quotes

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. | Funny Friday quotes

Best funny Friday quotes: 

  1. Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. - Anonymous 
  2. When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday. - Anonymous
  3. If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday! - Anonymous 
  4. I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.- Anonymous
  5. FRIDAY NIGHT! I have a date, with my bed…We’re totally going to sleep together!.-Anonymous
  6. If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either. —James Johnson
  7. It’s Friday morning mankind! Good vibe, don’t frown and let the monster see you smile! —Napz Cherub Pellazo
  8. Fridays are the hardest in some ways: you’re so close to freedom.-Lauren Oliver
  9. It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth storey window on Friday.-  American Proverb
  10. Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?-Unknown
  11. Thursday doesn’t even count as a day, it’s just the thing that’s blocking Friday. -Unknown
  12. Friday is the beginning of my liver’s work week.- Unknown
  13. It’s Friday. Any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.- Unknown
  14. Things people say: It’s Friday! Things self-employed people say: It’s Friday?  
  15. The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.-Anonymous
  16. Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard.- Anonymous

Funny fathers day quotes

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you. |Funny fathers day quotes

Best funny fathers day quotes:

  1. When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.- Jerry Lewis
  2. When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.- Dave Attell
  3. Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.- Lin-Manuel Miranda
  4. My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.- Bob Odenkirk
  5. Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.- Ray Romano
  6. It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, ‘he’s got four teeth,’ like they care.- Seth Meyers
  7. There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.- Jim Gaffigan
  8. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.- Jon Stewart
  9. I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.- Rita Rudner
  10. When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.- Mark Twain
  11. By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.- Charles Wadsworth
  12. Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours.- Conan O'Brien
  13. How come my three year old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can't even remember my home phone number?- Tay Diggs
  14. I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ (I hadn't met my daughter yet).-Dax Shepard
  15. The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.- Tim Russert

Funny dog quotes 

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea. | Funny dog quotes 

Best funny dog quotes:

  1. Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.- - Anonymous
  2. If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.- Anonymous
  3. You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. - Anonymous
  4. I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor. - Anonymous
  5. I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks. - Anonymous
  6. Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. - Anonymous
  7. I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog. - Anonymous
  8. For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.  - Anonymous
  9. My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.- Anonymous
  10. No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does. -Christopher Morley
  11. If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? -Unknown
  12. I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother. -Bonnie Schacter
  13. Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. -Unknown
  14. I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop! -Jonah Goldberg
  15. You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ -Dave Barry
  16. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. -Sue Murphy
  17. A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it. -Helen Thomson

Funny marriage quotes 

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. | Funny marriage quotes 

Best funny marriage quotes:

  1. Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.- Anonymous
  2. If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. - Sigmund Freud
  3. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
  4. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
  5. Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash
  6. Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park. - Anonymous
  7. I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.- Anonymous
  8. Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. -- Anonymous
  9. Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?  - Groucho Marx
  10. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.- Henny Youngman 
  11. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.- Joey Adams 
  12. Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it.- Helen Rowland
  13. Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.- Edgar Watson Howe
  14. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
  15. Marriage is a workshop…where husband works & wife shops. - Anonymous

Funny quotes about friends | Funny best friend quotes

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. | Funny quotes about friends | Funny best friend quotes

Best funny quotes about friends:

  1. Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. -Anonymous
  2. Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food. - Anonymous
  3. Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. -Anonymous
  4. True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.- Anonymous
  5. When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.-Groucho Marx
  6. An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.- Jim Hayes
  7. Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.- Anonymous
  8. I think we'll be friends forever because we're too lazy to find new friends.- Anonymous
  9. We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I’ll pick you up, after I finish laughing.- Anonymous
  10. We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.-Unknown
  11. Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.-Unknown
  12. I love that effortless friendship that fits perfectly with my laziness.-Unknown
  13. Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.-Bobby Deol
  14. Friendship is: having weird conversations with your friend and thinking if anyone heard us, we would be put in a mental hospital.-Unknown
  15. Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.-Sally Bergesen
  16. You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.-Laurence J. Peter
  17. Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.-Edwin Arlington Robinson

Graduation quotes Funny

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature | Graduation quotes Funny

Best funny graduation quotes:

  1. You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.-David Barry
  2. If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.- Harry Banks
  3. In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.- Tom Bodett
  4. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.- Sarah Brown
  5. I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.- Unknown
  6. Friends and classmates are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives.-Unknown
  7. All that stands between a graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.-Unknown
  8. Graduation is a tough day for parents. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come back home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years, they are unemployed.- Unknown
  9. Put your future in good hands - your own.-Unknown
  10. Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.- Unknown
  11. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.-Milton Berle
  12. Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.-Winston Churchill
  13. Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.-T.S. Eliot
  14. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.- W.C. Fields
  15. I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ’cause the customer is always right.-Anonymous

Funny office quotes 

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck. | Funny office quotes 

Best funny office quotes:

  1. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.-Anonymous
  2. I love my job only when I'm on vacation.-Anonymous
  3. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.- John Gotti
  4. When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.-Anonymous  
  5. My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.-Anonymous
  6. I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.-Anonymous
  7. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? - Edgar Bergen
  8. I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with Y.-Anonymous
  9. When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. -Anonymous
  10. The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.-Anonymous
  11. My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.-Anonymous 
  12. Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.-Anonymous 
  13. When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!-Anonymous 
  14. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.-Anonymous
  15. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.-Anonymous 

Funny mothers day quotes

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. | Funny mothers day quotes

Best funny mothers day quotes:

  1. Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.- Anonymous
  2. Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.-Mignon McLaughlin
  3. I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.- Anonymous
  4. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children.-Susan Savannah
  5. When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.-Jeff Shaw
  6. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.-Phyllis Diller
  7. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.- Anonymous
  8. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.-Chinese Proverb
  9. My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.-Buddy Hackett
  10. Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.- Anonymous
  11. I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.-Anonymous
  12. If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?-Milton Berle

Funny retirement quotes

Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day. | Funny retirement quotes

Best funny retirement quotes:

  1. Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.- Anonymous
  2. Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house. — Unknown
  3. I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute,my alarm clock, and my iron. — Hartman Jule     
  4. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. — Abe Lemons
  5. You are a person I really admire, because you are a person who gets to retire. — Unknown
  6. When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. — Unknown
  7. When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. — Chi Chi Rodriguez
  8. I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. — Unknown
  9. The best part about retirement is that you don’t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing.- Anonymous
  10. How do you know it’s time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!- Anonymous
  11. Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors? Because the term comes with a 10% discount I love being a grandparent in retirement. I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.- Anonymous
  12. Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf! - Gene Perret
  13. Retirement: A time when showering and getting dressed in the morning becomes optional.- Anonymous
  14. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work.- Anonymous
  15. He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.- Anonymous

Funny positive quotes 

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. | Funny positive quotes 

Best funny positive quotes:

  1. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.-Joe Girard
  2. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.- Mark Twain
  3. The possible is just the impossible that we’ve come to accept.-Stewart Stafford
  4. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.- Kyle Chandler
  5. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.-Franklin P. Jones
  6. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.-Lily Tomlin
  7. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.-Billie Burke
  8. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.-Marie Osmond
  9. Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.-Robert Brault
  10. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.-Yogi Berra
  11. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.-Robert Frost
  12. Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.-Unknown
  13. I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.- Winston Churchill
  14. The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.-Madeleine L’Engle
  15. Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Funny sarcastic quotes 

A woman’s apology, i’m sorry but it was your fault. | Funny sarcastic quotes 

Best funny sarcastic quotes:

  1. A woman’s apology, i’m sorry but it was your fault.-Anonymous 
  2. Money talks mine always says Goodbye. -Anonymous
  3. Life us to short be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself call me.. i,ll laugh at you. -Anonymous
  4. I need to special distance from the kitchen. I tested positive for fat ass. -Anonymous
  5. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, You’re safe. -Anonymous
  6. My Alone Time is Sometimes For You Safety. -Anonymous 
  7. It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right. -Anonymous
  8. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. -Anonymous
  9. You Reminded Me of a Penny. Two-Faced, and no worth much. -Anonymous
  10. Mirrors Don’t lie And Lucky For You They Don’t Laugh. -Anonymous 
  11. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. -Anonymous
  12. They say good things take time ….That’s why I’m always late. -Anonymous
  13. If Someone AsksAre You Crazy? Simply Reply Yes. Boom. End of Discussion. -Anonymous
  14. Hey i found your Nose it was in my Business. -Anonymous
  15. The Trash Gets Picked up tomorrow be Ready.-Anonymous

Funny Monday quotes

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays. | Funny Monday quotes

Best funny Monday quotes:

  1. Monday is a great for becoming too busy to die. -Roy Station
  2. If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays. -John Wagner
  3. So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.-Julio Alexi Genao
  4. Last Monday nite / I saw a fight / Between Wednesday and Thursday / Over Saturday nite / Tuesday asked me what was going on / I said Sunday's in the meadow / And Friday's in the corn. -John Prine
  5. You know you're getting older when every day seems like Monday.-Kitty Carlisle
  6. Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays? -Peter Gibbons
  7. Monday, you're so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!.-Anonymous
  8. I'm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever. -Anonymous
  9. If Monday were a person, it wouldn't have friends. -Anonymous
  10. Dear Monday, I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, Its not me, its you. -Anonymous
  11. I may look calm and collected when I stroll in to work on Monday, but really, I have killed all my employees in my head like 3 times. -Anonymous
  12. Monday is like a math problem add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness. -Anonymous
  13. Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won't know when Monday starts. -Anonymous
  14. Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years. -Anonymous
  15. I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch! -Anonymous
  16. Dear Monday, if you wanted to go hang out somewhere else for a few days, I don't think anyone would mind. -Anonymous
  17. Monday morning Facebook status updates are my favorite. The sheer sarcasm in everyone's posts always makes me smile and feel a little less guilty about hating this day so much. -Anonymous

Funny teacher quotes 

Being a new teacher is like trying to fly an airplane while building it. | Funny teacher quotes 

Best funny teacher quotes:

  1. A teacher's job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.- D. Martin
  2. Being a new teacher is like trying to fly an airplane while building it.-Rick Smith
  3. Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.- Minna Thomas Antrim
  4. As long as teachers give test there will always be prayer in schools.- Unknown
  5. For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn much.-W. C. Stellar
  6. Cheers to all of the teachers who give out pencils every single day know that they'll never get them back.-Anonymous
  7.  Educators are the only people who lose sleep over other people's children.- Nicholas A. Ferroni
  8. Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells every forty-five minutes and come out fighting.-Frank McCourt
  9. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.-Louis Hector Berlioz
  10. Sunday is a teacher's day of REST: the REST of the laundry, the REST of the housework, and grade the REST of the papers.-Heidi McDonald
  11. A cross-eyed teacher can keep twice the number of children in order than any other, because the pupils do not know who she's looking at. -John R. Kemble
  12. Good teachers are the ones who can challenge young minds without losing their own.-Unknown
  13. You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, This is art, and you can’t do it.-Steve Martin
  14. I can’t believe I just saw my teacher at the grocery store! I thought she lived in her classroom!-Heidi McDonald
  15. Teacher’s nightmare: Tying a wet shoelace when it has not been raining.-Unknown
  16. I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, -because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach.-Bill Muse
  17. There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August.-Unknown

Funny food quotes

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. | Funny food quotes

Best funny food quotes:

  1. In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!  -Anonymous
  2. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. - Anonymous
  3. Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. - Anonymous
  4. Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous
  5. I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.  - Anonymous
  6. I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. - Anonymous 
  7. If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.  - Anonymous
  8. Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. - Anonymous
  9. If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!. - Anonymous
  10. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. - Anonymous 
  11. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories. - Anonymous 
  12. I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous
  13. I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.  - Anonymous 
  14. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. - Anonymous 
  15. I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.-Anonymous 

Inspirational quotes Funny

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. | Inspirational quotes Funny

Best funny inspirational quotes: 

  1. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice. — Sam Levenson
  2. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  3. I have to be successful because I like expensive things. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  4.  If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  5. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  6. Some people are like clouds: when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  7. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  8.  Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  9. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. —Ann Bradford
  10. You can’t always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out. — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  11. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. -A.A. Milne
  12. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote
  13. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? -Sydney Harris
  14. If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. - Frank Zappa
  15. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite

Funny friend quotes 

You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you. | Funny friend quotes 

Top funny friend quotes:

  1. The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. -Mark Twain
  2. Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you. -Patrick to Spongebob
  3. One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements. -Marcelene Cox
  4. I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something. -Unknown
  5. You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you. -Unknown.
  6. I hope we’re friend until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people. -Unknown
  7. God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters. -Unknown
  8. Real friendship is when you friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap. -Unknown
  9. There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. -Linda Grayson'
  10. My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. - Anonymous
  11. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it.  - Anonymous
  12. Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study. - Anonymous 
  13. Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous
  14. I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them Funny looking hats. - Anonymous
  15. One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won't judge you.- Anonymous 

Fun at Work to bring success

Even at your office, everyone likes the person who knows how to have fun. Even your managers too! It will keep you in good books.

It is important to do what you enjoy to be successful. Maybe if you spend more time reading those books you enjoy, you will become Editor-in-chief one day. That's what brings me to my past profound query, why can't studies be fun?

It can be if you are aligned with your purpose. So, study not just what interests you but also what is going to bring you closer to your goal.

But there are a few necessary things to be done, which are not fun at all!

How to have fun at work

Well if you are asking about short-term fun, then team outings, office dinners, celebrations, will do the job.

When it comes to long-term enjoyment, to have fun in your work, you need to strike a perfect balance of the above two variables of flow. 

According to Csikszentmihalyi, to be in the flow, to effortlessly move from one task to another, you need to sever the distractions completely and find your comfortable environment. Only then one can focus entirely enough that the 'ego falls away, time flies' and you are transported to that level of bliss.

Why you need more fun at work

Brings more Confidence and creates a stronger bond

Once I was interning with a very exuberant woman who was running a startups incubator. She would occasionally have 'Ask Me anything day'. Anything means anything! Which was kind of an icebreaker between the team and the group of new interns, including me. I asked her about the cash flow, profits and how she likes to dispense it. I know, boring! Anyways she complied. She said, mostly, I have fun with my team. We order pizza, get some booze and dance on our desks like animals. 

And you should see the confidence with which her team works. They are youngsters generally, with little experience but when they talk, you know they mean business. Not to mention how much they trust and value each other.

Fun brings better experience, more exposure and creativity

Doing fun activities mostly leads to meeting new people and novel experiences. Be it playing video games (like I said in a regulated manner) often brings you in contact with people from all across the globe. You get this global exposure and learning new languages (notwithstanding inglorious slangs) and culture.

We all had our first rememberable beer or smoke, as a result of what started just having fun with your friends. (Again, regulated!) These acts are what formed our today's portfolio of adventures.

Then there is creativity. When you are enjoying, you tend to have a sense of freedom, which lets your mind roam to parts of the imagination never entered.

Why you need fun in a relationship

"…couples who are happy know how to have fun together."

That's what relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottmann say. After studying the behaviour and mental health of many couples, they observed that when people find ways to have fun with their partners, to participate in play and humour, it strengthens their bond. It makes them better equipped to resolve issues. They can spend more time with each other without getting bored and are also able to explore each other's personality. 

Having fun makes you self-empowering

When was the last time you had fun?

I bet it will take a few minutes for you to answer that. Accept it, we don't do fun things. Even though it seems to be the easiest, by default decision, yet we hardly chose it. Because not choosing fun reinforces our victim mentality. We give all kind of excuses of time crunch and tiredness, but the truth is we feel like we don't deserve to have fun because we don't think we are good enough or have worked hard enough to earn it. 

Why believe that? Because it is easier to believe it than to work for success or anything big and good for that matter.

Have fun; it will empower you to work hard to make you believe that you can achieve something too.

Having fun leads to a Healthy Life 

Having fun in a regulated amount can heal you mentally and physically. Be it some sports or dancing or music; it can reduce stress and sometimes even heal past traumas and anxieties. It will give you a sound sleep. It can pump your body with a healthy dose of dopamine and serotonin. Making you feel more alive and energetic.

Fun makes you fall in LOVE with yourself

Doing something that is fun can increase self-love. You become another person when you start making decisions based on what your heart says. You become more confident, independent, and a happy being. Who wouldn't love that! Even you would fall in love with yourself.


Written by
CA Surbhi Chaudhari
Surbhi Chaudhari is a Chartered Accountant by profession. She is one of the best CAs in Ratlam. She runs her own Chartered Accountant firm and loves writing articles online during her free time.

Check out other articles written by CA Surbhi Chaudhari .