You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to me.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Sometimes you need to do something bad to do something good.I guess that's the irony of life.

Look for something good in each person, even if for some people you have to look a little harder.

The 800 pound gorilla just entered the blogosphere, with Google launching its blog search.

Waking up in the morning, you didn't have to even think, you did it. Being able to get to work, didn't even have to think, you did it. That's miraculous.

I'm like a monkey. You don't let go of one branch until you get a hold of the other.

I couldn't add my talent, which is prodigious, to a defense of someone even accused of hurting a child.

Rock is stronger than any misguided theories of cultural events. It's bigger than that.

I just don't think it's true that people can't do something else after they've done something that seems so permanent.

Just don't die for me, you won't be doing me any favour !

Since I only got one life to ive, God forgive me for my sins, let me make it and i'll never steal again, or deal again, my only friend is my misery. Wantin revenge for the agony they did to me.