Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

All happiness depends on courage and work.

Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons.

Love is as abundant and powerful as sunlight. It can enlighten the whole world. Clouds of doubt can hide it temporarily, but it is always there. It can heal you as sunlight, but it can also burn you.

You may as well know, right here, that you can never have riches in great quantities, unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money, and actually believe you will possess it.

To think you cannot fight fate is only an act of surrender.

He that handles a nettle tenderly is soonest stung.

I'd like to see anyone do what I do for one week.

To be happy ourselves is a most effectual contribution to the happiness of others.

Let a fool be made serviceable according to his folly.

I didn't play my best but I won. He was a lucky loser but I think he went out of luck today.