True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

The moment passed — but the darkness is so dark, and the pain is so painful. – But I accept whatever He gives and I give whatever He takes.

Redemption precedes morality, and not the other way around.

Say what you wish about media in the Arab world, but say it knowing that no media channel in the world is absolutely free.

When I'm working on something, I proceed as if no one else will ever read it.

In matters editorial, I am a believer in totalitarian despotism. Most writers are lazy, difficult, selfish, thoughtless, and unreliable.

You have to move to your own beat.

Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Every conflict is emblematic of the throwaway culture.

Right now, when you go and hit the light switch in your house, you're participating in a state-protected monopoly. You're being forced to accept dirty power from a single producer.

Life's something we already understand. Death is a mystery.