Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Faith in Qur'anic revelation unveils all the possibilities that lie before the human intellect.

Your neck. I want to kiss it.

... there is much truth in the Italian saying, 'Make yourselves sheep, and the wolves will eat you.'

I'm doing a very funny show in which we talk about issues. I speak at Aids charities and things. It's great to do something fun with our days and yet we're told we're doing something important.

We are missing the gold if we do asanas as a physical practice only.

Honestly, I just think we all have special gifts, everyone. You know, obviously, some are more noticeable than others and that's why there's the limelight. Everybody's in it.

It's much easier for me to sleep in space than it is back home. We sleep in a cabin, and you can float inside.

I'm growing very talented at watching blood and guts on screen because I have zero emotional response.

Turn your nightmares into your dreams , some dreams don't turn out the way you want them to , then wake up and turn and turn it around in your favour.